Butt Dr's, Boobs, and Turtle Butts

It has been a really strange week here in the boonies.   Strange in the fact that for some reason people have started the wierdiest conversations with me.

Here are just a sample of the highlights:

Mr. Sam came in the other day....Mr. Sam is an elderly gentleman who likes to stop by when he's riding his bike and have a conversation.    He doesn't need a job or anything.  He just likes to sit and talk.    Mostly he talks and I listen.   This started years ago when we were in our old office and has carried over to here.    He came in as usual and was talking away.....most of the time it doesn't require you to fully listen...I just think he likes to talk and sit somewhere cool.   I had a ton of files and was trying to put them in alphabetical order in order to file...(the story of my life) and was only paying half attention...when he pops up outta the chair and says:

Mr. Sam:  Do you know the name of that Butt Dr. in town?

Me: (I stopped filing and looked up) The Who Dr? 

Mr. Sam: The Butt Dr!

Me: (trying very hard not to laugh)....ummmm

Mr. Sam: (He is illustrating by this point...and I am trying very hard not to have an attack)  You know...the butt dr..the kind that pokes that stick thing up your.....

Me: (interupting him)..I got it...Proctologist..

Mr. Sam: Outta call the quack a poke tologist....I couldn't sit for two days..

Me: (Interupting him again) No Mr. Sam I don't have a clue...

He sat back down after that, and I had to go to the bathroom I was laughing so hard....

Cut to my conversation with Mike M.  he comes in a lot, he looks for work and so does his girlfriend (Cindy)...they are a little "out there" but are friendly and don't normally cause me any problems...Our conversation went along these lines...

(I was looking up something for him and was reading it to him)...

Mike: Were getting hard up for cash at the house so Cindy went down to that strip joint down the highway and he wouldn't hire her....You know why....

Me: (I really didn't want to know...but you know curiosity) ...No clue...

Mike: He said her boobs are too small...can you believe that..

Me: (trying hard not to choke)...well....

Mike: She worked at that other place in Nashville and they didn't say nuthin about her boobs...

Me:(trying to be helpful and stop this conversation..)...maybe she could go back to that place?

Mike:  Nah...she got fired..can't go back there...It's just not fair...I think her boobs are fine...don't you?

Me: (at this point I am dying and have lost most of my coherant thought)...well.....I guess...

He left soon after that...still not happy with the boob situation...and I had to take an aspirin....I didn't ask why she lost the other job...sometimes I sleep better at night not knowing

Cut to late yesterday afternoon.  I was filing, (yes miracles do happen)...trying to get everything caught up before I go on vacation in a few week.   I'm deep into the ABC's in my head when one of our clients comes in with her little boy.   Ryan decided that I needed help while his mom faxed some things, so he handed me files while I put them away.  He was telling me about this nature program on tv that he watched.   His mom had to go to the ladies room and while she was gone this was part of our conversation:

Ryan: Did you know turtles shoot eggs outta their butts?

Me: (I had to stop filing at that point) Is that right?

Ryan:Yep they showed it on TV and I saw it...they shot right outta there..she digged a hole (he is showing me how she did it....he looked like he was swimming)...and all of a sudden...*BANG* (he jumps back to illustrate)...and there they went..in da hole..

I'm laughing by this point....and reach over and tickle him...

Me:Ryan...I think you watch too much TV....

At this point we both crack up laughing...

It's been a strange week....but I do like my job...where else can get you conversations about Butt Dr's...boobs..and turtle butts.....LOL

**Names have been changed to protects us all...**